Showing posts with label reminiscing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reminiscing. Show all posts

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Veteran's Day


PRESIDENT REAGAN:

"Secretary Weinberger, Harry Walters, Robert Medairos, reverend clergy, ladies and gentlemen, a few moments ago I placed a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, and as I stepped back and stood during the moment of silence that followed, I said a small prayer. And it occurred to me that each of my predecessors has had a similar moment, and I wondered if our prayers weren't very much the same, if not identical.

We celebrate Veterans Day on the anniversary of the armistice that ended World War I, the armistice that began on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. And I wonder, in fact, if all Americans' prayers aren't the same as those I mentioned a moment ago. The timing of this holiday is quite deliberate in terms of historical fact but somehow it always seems quite fitting to me that this day comes deep in autumn when the colors are muted and the days seem to invite contemplation.

We are gathered at the National Cemetery, which provides a final resting place for the heroes who have defended our country since the Civil War. This amphitheater, this place for speeches, is more central to this cemetery than it first might seem apparent, for all we can ever do for our heroes is remember them and remember what they did -- and memories are transmitted through words.

Sometime back I received in the name of our country the bodies of four marines who had died while on active duty. I said then that there is a special sadness that accompanies the death of a serviceman, for we're never quite good enough to them-not really; we can't be, because what they gave us is beyond our powers to repay. And so, when a serviceman dies, it's a tear in the fabric, a break in the whole, and all we can do is remember.

It is, in a way, an odd thing to honor those who died in defense of our country, in defense of us, in wars far away. The imagination plays a trick. We see these soldiers in our mind as old and wise. We see them as something like the Founding Fathers, grave and gray haired. But most of them were boys when they died, and they gave up two lives -- the one they were living and the one they would have lived. When they died, they gave up their chance to be husbands and fathers and grandfathers. They gave up their chance to be revered old men. They gave up everything for our country, for us. And all we can do is remember.

There's always someone who is remembering for us. No matter what time of year it is or what time of day, there are always people who come to this cemetery, leave a flag or a flower or a little rock on a headstone. And they stop and bow their heads and communicate what they wished to communicate. They say, "Hello, Johnny," or "Hello, Bob. We still think of you. You're still with us. We never got over you, and we pray for you still, and we'll see you again. We'll all meet again." In a way, they represent us, these relatives and friends, and they speak for us as they walk among the headstones and remember. It's not so hard to summon memory, but it's hard to recapture meaning.

And the living have a responsibility to remember the conditions that led to the wars in which our heroes died. Perhaps we can start by remembering this: that all of those who died for us and our country were, in one way or another, victims of a peace process that failed; victims of a decision to forget certain things; to forget, for instance, that the surest way to keep a peace going is to stay strong. Weakness, after all, is a temptation -- it tempts the pugnacious to assert themselves -- but strength is a declaration that cannot be misunderstood. Strength is a condition that declares actions have consequences. Strength is a prudent warning to the belligerent that aggression need not go unanswered.

Peace fails when we forget what we stand for. It fails when we forget that our Republic is based on firm principles, principles that have real meaning, that with them, we are the last, best hope of man on Earth; without them, we're little more than the crust of a continent. Peace also fails when we forget to bring to the bargaining table God’s first intellectual gift to man: common sense. Common sense gives us a realistic knowledge of human beings and how they think, how they live in the world, what motivates them. Common sense tells us that man has magic in him, but also clay. Common sense can tell the difference between right and wrong. Common sense forgives error, but it always recognizes it to be error first.

We endanger the peace and confuse all issues when we obscure the truth; when we refuse to name an act for what it is; when we refuse to see the obvious and seek safety in Almighty. Peace is only maintained and won by those who have clear eyes and brave minds. Peace is imperiled when we forget to try for agreements and settlements and treaties; when we forget to hold out our hands and strive; when we forget that God gave us talents to use in securing the ends He desires. Peace fails when we forget that agreements, once made, cannot be broken without a price.

Each new day carries within it the potential for breakthroughs, for progress. Each new day bursts with possibilities. And so, hope is realistic and despair a pointless little sin. And peace fails when we forget to pray to the source of all peace and life and happiness. I think sometimes of General Matthew Ridgeway, who, the night before D-day, tossed sleepless on his cot and talked to the Lord and listened for the promise that God made to Joshua: “I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

We're surrounded today by the dead of our wars. We owe them a debt we can never repay. All we can do is remember them and what they did and why they had to be brave for us. All we can do is try to see that other young men never have to join them. Today, as never before, we must pledge to remember the things that will continue the peace. Today, as never before, we must pray for God's help in broadening and deepening the peace we enjoy. Let us pray for freedom and justice and a more stable world. And let us make a compact today with the dead, a promise in the words for which General Ridgeway listened, “I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

In memory of those who gave the last full measure of devotion, may our efforts to achieve lasting peace gain strength. And through whatever coincidence or accident of timing, I tell you that a week from now when I am some thousands of miles away, believe me, the memory and the importance of this day will be in the forefront of my mind and in my heart.

Thank you. God bless you all, and God bless America."


--The Old Fool
“If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” -George Orwell.
Creative Commons License
Blog - Musings of an Old Fool by Juan Lopez is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at lopezj4141.blogspot.com.
-

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Can't believe it's so close to the end...

Things have been progressing well in the lab. I may very well be looking at being in my last month of "student" mode, and into writing, planning a defense, and getting out of here. Man. honestly, I am going to miss this part of my life. I have thoroughly enjoyed this time. Had I not been...myself and my health junk...I would have easily seen why some people spend 7-10 years of their lives doing this and don't regret it. I have loved the time here, the people, and the experience. Saying goodbye to that is going to be like saying goodbye to a loved one, a companion, a partner. And many loved ones there are to say goodbye to, in fact.

And, as I pen this, I am thinking of the new beginnings out there. The two baby kiddos here and coming in my family - the new life, the next generation. And I am hoping I have something useful to say to them sometime soon. Got to think some more about that writing...

------------------------------------------------
From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ppoo1EJ-Vrc


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JnDQ2eQesc


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OLUNB993Dw


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKUHjDLaKtU


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOoaXyW27eY



-- The Old Fool
“If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” -George Orwell.
Creative Commons License
Blog - Musings of an Old Fool by Juan Lopez is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at lopezj4141.blogspot.com.
-

Friday, January 1, 2010

Thankful

As we begin a new year, I find it fitting to remember how thankful I am to even be here, to be alive, to be pursuing my calling, to enjoy family, to relish the joy of uplifting friendships, and to have the humbling knowledge of just how very much yet underservingly I am blessed.

Over the years I have worked hard at ensuring my place amongst the least deserving, fought hard for that title, even; and yet, my plans end up not my own. I have a family I love, cherish, and am blessed by and with a thousandfold thousands more times than most people deserve. The unabashed joy in countless faces shouting warm greetings just because of their joy in seeing you is a gift that never grows old, never breaks, never fades away...it is a gift that will remain regardless of how the times get. I have had a long list of friends who have brought more joy, maturity, peace, and pleasure into my life than I could ever claim to be worth.

I have examples in my life...people to look up to, people who have taken the time out of their pursuits to mentor and impart wisdom...who have left me speechless with wonder when I compare myself to them. Refer to the 'my father' and 'my mother' notes for one. I had the distinct joy of sitting down with a WWII vet this last week that I have known for 20 years, and whom I did some work with 15 years ago, and finally hear some of his life story and what drives him. A man, that at 85, believes he still has too much to do in thankfulness for how much he has been blessed. I have grandparents that have been examples of service and dedication for over 50 years now, and two sets of grandparents whose very lives are testimonies to how the right decisions, the right dedication, the right love and commitment, can reverberate through generations and hundreds if not thousands of people long after their own work is done.

As the old Fool moves into a new year, decade, challenges, and pursuits, he is left with naught but two prayers: Help him remember to take comfort in the fact that he is the Potter's very own clay, and help him to strive to be someday have been even slightly worth the blessings he has been deluged with from the day of his birth.

A happy new year to all, but may we always be able to find the joy in the memories of ones now only history and memories.



--
The Old Fool

“If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” -George Orwell.


Creative Commons License
Blog - Musings of an Old Fool by Juan Lopez is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at lopezj4141.blogspot.com.

-

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Steps in an Empty Ballroom III

(Part 1)
(Part 2)


Gently cradling the tired and dusty one,
The visitor joins in the tears,
Two souls join in the mourning awakening demands
Words insufficient, unfound, yet superfluous,
In silence they mourn to an unsung dirge.

The weathered face struggles to look up,
With great effort, with last breaths,
Fear, unfathomable sadness from the dimmed eyes,
Accent the question rasped out,
"Must I? Oh, friend, must I?"

Fresh tears join the rivulets already forded
As the visitor holds the Fool closer,
Gently, tenderly, kindly, whispers,
"Yes, my friend, but together let's advance.
Let's stand, brothers, and face this final task."

His last breath expended, the Old Fool assents
One final nod, the realization complete.
And as they rise, the last of the spark drains,
On his feet again, the visitor alone remains,
A dry, dusty shell now all he's cradling.

Cold settles into the decrepit remains,
The Fool now released from his prison,
His victim gone, the visitor mourns now alone.
This righteous deed...the merciful murder...
The reasons feel hollow, plaintive, and numb.

The killer gently lays his victim on the dusty tiles,
A final resting place, an epilogue to a tale long done.
The executioner reaches out, and gently, tenderly, sorrowfully,
Closes those eyes of sorrow for the last time,
"Forgive me, my friend. May you find your peace now."

Before this plea is fully complete,
The murderer shrieks and jumps back aghast,
As the body before him crumbles like so much loose dust.
The dust is carried away, though no breeze is felt.
The wonder replaces the horror, as the room awakes.

Like a waking giant, the room seems to rumble.
The dust that had grayed this temple of sorrow
Washes away, slowly vanishes as the room brightens
Rapidly, years roll back, the heaviness of time lifts,
The room recalls its glory the world had long forgotten.

Stupefied and amazed, a murderer stands alone,
A living centerpiece in a dazzling miracle of rebirth.
As the brightness and light finish their invasion,
The furthest, darkest corner now bathed in life and glow,
The head table is revealed, and with it the truth...

...

With that, we leave our visitor, our murderer, our executioner,
To meet with his forgiveness, absolution, and validation.
And while what he met, what he saw, what he learned was for him alone,
We can leave you with this:

In the past lies both joy and sorrow,
Both ecstasy and pain,
Both need and satisfaction,
Both loss and all that is whole.
It is both the best and the worst.

But it is merely the past.

It cannot be the present,
And it can never be tomorrow.

It can be a lesson for life,
But it cannot be life.

It can inform the present,
But it cannot inhabit the present.

Most grasp this as self-evident,
But not all can so easily.
A past, forced to live in the present,
Is merely an empty, hollow shell.
It is death masquerading as life.

Will you choose life?
Will you live?
Or will you become merely the echoes of steps in an empty ballroom?

---------------------------

From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I10Cxv7qHJ8




--
The Old Fool

“If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” -George Orwell.


Creative Commons License
Blog - Musings of an Old Fool by Juan Lopez is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at lopezj4141.blogspot.com.

-

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Passing the time

So, I'm in the middle of adding to the writertopia word count on the front page of my blog. I'm at a difficult juncture in the wiring process of that project. Honestly, I have been putting off continuing this writing for a while because I didn't necessarily want to face this section head-on. But, here I am. So, I invited Mr. Alejandro Sanz to forge ahead with me this fine evening, and he is keeping me company with many fine a' tune.




From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTr9eSaCcL4





From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I10Cxv7qHJ8





From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4NS7C3cQ5Y





From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Et2rf9mq2U





From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxU8ep2enE4





From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIaQ-ZTx7vg





From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g44vso6s9k0


--
The Old Fool

“If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” -George Orwell.


Creative Commons License
Blog - Musings of an Old Fool by Juan Lopez is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at lopezj4141.blogspot.com.

-

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Steps in an Empty Ballroom II

(part 1)

The visitor steels himself.
Decided upon his unpleasant task,
He braces and widens the breach.
A peephole becomes a gash.

The piercing light dispels the gray,
Dancing off the dry, dusty air.
Illumination invading areas long dark,
Exposing the gray drabness, dispelling dusk.

The Old Fool pauses mid-greeting,
Interrupting the welcome of a guest long gone
Something is not right, something's awry.
Intruders, party crashers, personae non-gratae!

The visitor lowers himself into the room,
Standing in the bright center of light
Cast by the gash across the gray cocoon's walls.
Backlight by the breach, his presence an outline.

The Old Fool stares aghast at this mirage,
This ghostly intruder into the Ballroom's troupe
Though milky eyes are no longer reliably sharp,
The invader's presence looms unequivocally.

This unwelcome guest, his own Red Masque of Poe,
Can bring no welcome news, no additional joy.
Frozen in place by Prospero's fears revived,
The Old Fool trembles as the apparition draws near.

The visitor approaches slowly, gingerly, gently,
Not wishing more harm than will already be done.
At last, face-to-face with the tired old man,
The Visitor gently, kindly, sorrowfully reaches out.

Touching the withered, dusty shoulder, the Visitor says,
"Friend, you don't know me, and I know you not.
But I looked in your Ballroom, and was compelled by this sight.
I am ashamed to admit, I fought the urge to take flight."

The Old Fool flinches, this touch though gentle and light
Feels repellent, repugnant, dangerous, and unwelcome.
He hears the words, but cannot understand how this intruder
Could consider the splendor surrounding them a plea for succor.

But even as the Old Fool opens his dry, dusty mouth to retort
The shimmer and glow seems to take on a pallor,
The epicenter of this grayscale shift centered on the visitor
The Old Fool closes his mouth, and reels at the unfolding sight.

"No!" the Fool finally gasps. "Whoever you are, whatever you want,
Please, leave me tonight. Let me welcome the rest of my guests.
Let me dance to the music, let me enjoy the kitchen's delights.
Whatever you thought to say, I beg...stay your tongue - at least one more night."

The gentle grip becomes firmer, a grasping motion by the visitor.
He centers himself before the Old Fool, looking straight in the dusky eyes.
The voice of the visitor, thought firm, sounds gentle and filled with sadness,
"No, my friend. I cannot leave you here, not like this, not tonight."

"Condemned only by your own heart, but condemned nonetheless,
I cannot leave you here to toil through another fruitless excursion through limbo.
It is time to awake, to accept, and yes - even to suffer, my friend.
Together we will walk out of this farce, this lie, this facade and welcome life again."

As the visitor continued to speak, the milky eyes darted about in growing horror,
As the glittering room seemed to shimmer at an increasing rate,
Yet growing grayer and dimmer with each pass of the eye, like approaching a desert mirage,
The shimmering waters always receding, at each step being replaced by dry, dusty sand.

"NO!" The gasp becomes a plaintive wail. "Mercy, mercy I beg! Leave me be,
Leave me be, you menacing beast, you Masque, you Gray Death!
Stop changing the room, stop casting your spell, just leave me to my guests.
Go! Go! Go, and let your dusky mirage follow you on out and back down to hell"

With tears in his eyes, the visitor draws the sobbing man close,
Though the Fool pushes away, the strength has long gone from these old, dusty bones
Leaning in towards the ear, the visitor whispers as he cradles the frail body,
"They have gone, long ago, my friend. And now it is time for you to let them all go."

The sobbing Old Fool's last strength sweeps away, stopping his futile struggle.
The sobs slow down, and the Fool speaks again, though hushed and low - nearly a whisper.
"I tried, long ago...I tried, and I failed. Now, please let me return to my failure.
Let and old man spend his days with those cherished and dear, those loved and admired."

"Look up, my friend, look up and see me. See me, and see the real, do this, I beg."
The Old Fool hesitates, pauses, delays - unwilling to take the next step,
And yet, consumed by a morbid desire to know the face of his tormentor, the Fool slowly complies.
As his eyes rest upon the shape of his torment, the proximity sharpens the features once gone.

The Fools eyes widen, his surprise naked and evident, as the countenance comes into focus.
"No! You cannot be..." the Fool blurts out, but the visitor interrupts quickly,
"I am not the person you think of. At least not quite. I am his son, his only progeny.
And when I was a child, he would tell me stories, but the saddest of all he kept from me."

"But when he passed, I discovered his letters, and came across your own correspondence,
And then his subsequent notes about what he believed had once transpired.
Worst of all, I discovered a clue as to your fate, but could never surmise a location.
I searched far and wide, and have found you at last, and I'm here to free you from your nightly repast."

By now, the Fool's gaze is focused solely upon his unwelcome guest with the face so familiar,
And as he does, the sounds of the music fade, the scents of the kitchen vanish,
And finally the true pallor of gray settles over the rest of the area.
As the Old Fool looks into the familiar, yet new, face...the room comes back into focus.

With a cold shiver, the Fool slowly looks around the unmasked room, it's truth now denuded.
And the horrible reality of that truth takes grip in his heart.
With a low moan, so horrible and painful that the visitor starts and then trembles,
The Old Fool confronts the true scope of the loss - the one loss most unbearable.

"No! No! No! I cannot...I cannot. Please, please, please...do not make me remember..."
"But you must, my friend. Remember, and be free."
"I cannot, I must not. Don't do this to me, I beg you, grant mercy and kindness, in the name of your father!"
"This is the mercy, this is the kindness, and this is done in the name you invoked."

"They are gone, my friend. Gone one by one, they have moved on to rest and peace.
All but one. One who has chosen suffering, despair, and delusion as a prison.
And yet, a prison built by his own two hands, condemned by his heart to an infinite term.
The time has come for you to let them go...free them, and free yourself."

The Old Fool returns his gaze to those kind, blue green eyes...

(to be continued)


from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mlahvvymkxc


from; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fb-UxzgkTds


from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIN2jUL0eS8&feature=related


from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6hGQ71NXrE


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kcErNWtw1o


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qPH8G8sI-w


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opElwK_BbFo


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTBgogJA03A


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCEfn204BYM


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyR2CeI_3KY


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a50clhTpzj8


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVaHG_QMvNk


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhjG47gtMCo


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noIdhI4iBnU


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZ2LwW0f6rI&feature=related


From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9IixYR_p-4

--
The Old Fool

“If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” -George Orwell.


*NOTE: I reserve the rights to all the original postings in this blog. Do not use without permission and/or full attribution.

-

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Chicken soup for my soul...

I am back on the LU campus for the week-end, helping to usher in a whole new class of fresh-faced brothers into 41.

After having been too ill to attend last year (my only miss in 12 consecutive initiation/EO years), I am VERY glad to have the opportunity to be back, and taking my place as one of the keepers/tellers of the oral histories and traditions in the floor. It was one of the aspects of the whole weeks that I always enjoyed as a young underclassman myself, and now to be able to have the great privilege to take part in the week in that way is a real shot in the arm of my good humor and morale. I love telling these old stories, enjoy the laughs, and more than anything, enjoy participating in this grand old tradition kept alive simply because of the joy others find in it and their desire to continue uplifting these traditions year after year.

Thank you, my brothers for all the years we have done this together in the past, for keeping the traditions alive...and you new brothers - I look forward to years of getting chances to know each other some more. Welcome! And remember that once a 41er.... (that's right, you finish the phrase for me now...)

Always in style:
From LU Years

Memories of years gone by:

From LU Years

From LU Years

From LU Years

From LU Years

Last good shot of the pristine original 41 tiles...
From LU Years
--
The Old Fool

“If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” -George Orwell.


*NOTE: I reserve the rights to all the original postings in this blog. Do not use without permission and/or full attribution.

-

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Seven Seconds

One…

Seven seconds, a mere seven heartbeats, a few measures of a song.

Two…

Time so fleeting, so fragile, so light – and yet so significant that their presence can illuminate a life and their absence can cast a long shadow.

Three…

Moments whose significance is sometimes masked by their quotidian presence, and whose value often can only be gauged in the harsh suffering of their absence.

Four…

Those seven seconds, those significant moments, those lifelines of joy and continuing pleasure in the banality of life’s relentless repetition and routine – do you know what they are?

Five…

Can you identify those few moments…those ephemeral ticks of the clock that give you hope, renew your joy, and restore your strength?

Six…

Or are you like so many others, who will only discover these precious gems, these jewels of existence, these prized morsels of life when they are no longer there for the taking – when all that is left is to 
mourn?

Seven.



--
The Old Fool

“If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” -George Orwell.


*NOTE: I reserve the rights to all the original postings in this blog. Do not use without permission and/or full attribution.

-

Music can be a halcyon place

The day that never comes


from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMW0_XxKdzs

The Nobodies


from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi97Y6Op9Ag&feature=fvw

Voodoo

From: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw2iipzHl3w

Serenity


Sn**f


from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eq2FLZFzBJU


--
The Old Fool

“If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” -George Orwell.


*NOTE: I reserve the rights to all the original postings in this blog. Do not use without permission and/or full attribution.

-

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Steps in an Empty Ballroom

I really thought I had posted this, but I can't find it anywhere on my blog, and I was trying to point someone to it today...so, here goes a re-post. This was written earlier this year.

----

Steps in an empty ballroom

The Old Fool is dancing again,
Moving, carousing, and hobnobbing.

His foolish ears are filled with merriment.
His aging eyes near blinded by the glittering lights.
His withered nose imbibes the wafting bouquet of the perfumed guests.
His old tongue delights in the vibrant and exotic spice of feasting delicacies.
His gnarled hands flitting from shoulder to shoulder, hand to hand in welcome greeting.

Yet the Old Fool's heart seemingly beats young, strong, and joyful.
It's filled with love, joy, and celebration as another party gets underway.
He greets his guests one by one with a cheery effusiveness that belies his age.
The band strikes up once more with the shimmering chords of gentle waltzes
The Old Fool has orchestrated this occasion anon to honor his five-star -
An honored guest, the guest of honor, the reason for this nightly repast.

Try as you may, inquisitive reader, this is one guest list you'll never infiltrate.
The exclusivity of this group is as impressive as it is impervious.
Should you seek out this gaiety and frivolity, you will not find it.
If you find the building, it's joy will remain unavailable to you.

Yet, should you overcome all odds and stumble upon the ballroom, only sadness you'll find.

You'll try the door and find it barred, you'll seek the windows and find them boarded.

But if you discover that broken board, that dirty window, and force the ballroom to its secret disgorge...

Then you must decide whether to feel pity, sadness, disgust, or dismay
As the old man's folly unto you is plainly revealed, his secret laid bare.
The lights are long dark, the delicacies a fading memory, the music silenced.
Guests have grown old in their homes and forgotten the lights, the glitter, the dancing.
The furniture gone, the room denuded, the dust turning bright colors to gray where the light invades.

But this room is not silent, not entirely dead.
Look carefully, and find the moving shadow, hear the echoing steps.
Wait patiently and find the Old Fool at it again.
His...
eyes blinded
ears deafened
hands numbed
tongue silenced

He dances in the shadows, greeting the guests of nights long gone.
A tenuous existence, where only the love and joy in the heart of this Fool remain.
His heart still strong, providing the only sustenance, providing this fantasy.
The feasting long gone, the five-star moved on,the foolish heart refuses to capitulate.

The room you face no longer filled with the sounds of merriment,
Only the lonely echoes of his feeble steps in the empty ballroom.
His five-star, once the center of these festivities, long ago did she fly
His love unrequited, her affections ungiven.
With nothing but a frail body left, the Old Fool's heart rebelled
It drew him back to the happier days, before he was beleaguered and wanting.

And here is where you find him, and now it is time.
It is now that you face a decision - a choice you're not sure is yours to make.
Do you quietly move on, abandoning the Old Fool to this nightly mirage,
Abscond your duty to another human life and allow a fellow being to inhabit this Limbo?

Is it better to wake him from this eternal slumber,
When once conscious his life must assuredly crumble, his body finally submit to Father Time's demands?

When to awake will be to remember, to suffer, to wail?

Or shall you allow him to live on in the lie...
Let his eyes see, ears hear, hands feel, tongue taste, and voice greet joys made up by the heart?

Shall you have the will to decide? The fortitude to choose?

For remain or walk away, then and there a choice you will make.

Will he awake?
Or will you again sneak away,

And as you leave hear the fading sounds
The echoes of steps in the empty ballroom?




--
The Old Fool

“If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” -George Orwell.
-

Monday, May 18, 2009

My friends...

This was not a very easy weekend to cope with. If I did not have the love and support of my closest friends over the past months and years, it would have been an impossible weekend.

The self-imposed hell of writing this week's final chapter in an all-too-short story, that - while mostly beautiful and wonderful - needed that final thrust, would have been absolutely insurmountable. To know that I have them to turn to (or even hide from, knowing they will be waiting for my return when I can face people again) is a blessing that's impossible to describe adequately with words...so I won't try, other than to say thanks.


--
The Old Fool

“If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” -George Orwell.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Engfeh...bleh.

It's been a long day. It's been a bad day.

We're going to have a hard time getting hold of the treatment for me.

The malabsorption issues may be more widespread than a single vitamin as previously thought.

I've had a few cardiac events which other people may deem as scares in the past few days, and today is no better and no signs of it getting better.

It's just not a great day overall. At least music is a great outlet. And writing. :-) I've added something like 4000 words to things I'm working on in the past 24 hours...it helps.

And in addition to writing, I like being self-indulgent and re-reading some of my favorite apropos pieces I've written.

Some of these are:

Courage

Replay

Workshop

Sleepless



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQCGeg7z5kM


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9IixYR_p-4


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dTo48hSLsw


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhxXs6SOve8


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjIPLqOT65w


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEPq054fy2Y


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVLWzluuCNU


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJY-_lBCbk0

-

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Replay, but fitting

How do you?

How do you amalgamate the pieces of a shattered being?

When the killing blow which sundered the soul on life's cold, relentless, unyielding anvil was so devastatingly, unerringly, unflinchingly true?

When the impetus behind the strike was duty, love, honor, or any other grandiose, powerful, and revered word which seems to ring hollow when the deed is done?

When the act itself is not the end, but rather a beginning - the aftershock of loss, pain, and loneliness reverberating through the precarious remains of a life once joyous and whole?

When the blow was by one's own hand - a devastating, agonizing, and deliberately voluntary act?

And once you've survived, overcome, and triumphed - once you've tasted the warmth of life again, when those same grave, deep, and ponderous words place you in a familiar position, with outstretched arm being required, demanded, and pushed to carry through to the dutiful end...

how do you do it again?

How do you?

Do you count your blessings? Remember your joys? Recall why you are the luckiest man alive?

Do you remember those who count on and love you? Your duties, promises, and devoir?

Do you put on a brave fact and hide the fear...the slight tremor in the hand that besmirched the bravery of that ghastly task?

Do you cry out, weep, or moan?

Or do you remember the pain in other's lives, and pray, implore, and arrogate for the dignity, perseverance, and grace to be half as strong as they?

How do you?

----------------

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bw_90cpuOM4


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sDnasZvLA4


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CYfosCkJew


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxFvdunfv-4


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6cZZgwFBX4


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cf9fsiz4Thw


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQ0mfqpraII


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eq2FLZFzBJU


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPEWkZ54Fx4

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The mind wanders, music accompanies

Music to accompany the wandering thoughts of a quiet night before the coming week...

Bury all your secrets in my skin...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eq2FLZFzBJU

...It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XBbJFLU9dY

It's a long, hard road out of hell
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyCAhpNJYA0

...and when I start to come undone, stitch me together...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d9BIvthwJM

Forgive me father, for I have sinned, find me guilty of the life I feel within...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0Sbsg9XbFk

Living my life's not hard enough, take everything away...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sDnasZvLA4

Learned how to fall today, didn't think it would kill you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCDimqIEqD0

Wait another minute...can't you see what this pain has done to me?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgiyX-YFkc8&feature=related

Where do we go when we just don't know, and how do we relight the flame when it's cold?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6q1JsXN9DtU

You know I can't be there each time that you call, I swore not to come, but I'm here after all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5vpJkCQ9sk


Moscas en la casa...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPTtZ28s5NU

Que vuelvas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORyE03rNROU

Sombra de ti...quiza deba esperar que el insulto del reloj acabe de planear mi fin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa2bTd1qT5o

Hundido en un rincon, entre el polvo y el olvido

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLuNwX0__s8

Hace tiempo que no estaba tan contento, que me dio por aventarme unos tequilas...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08iomveeUDw&feature=related

Si el mundo le pese lo que hago, mas al drede lo he de hacer....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEwGtBhJxLo&feature=related

Y tu que te creiste, el rey de todo el mundo...ya ves que no es lo mismo amar que ser amado...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGE8e8zHcN4&feature=related

Me canse de rogarle...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=At0l65_75RQ&feature=related

Dos tipos de cuidado - duelo de sones (rhe original "battles", Infante BROUGHT it to Negrete :-) )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=666lnbuiDcw

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Our plans are not our own

No matter how many times I say it, it never ceases to surprise me how much our plans are not our own.

Tonight I should have been on my way to the border to begin a trip to a research hospital. The doctors finally decided my case was strange enough that they would take me and see if they can find a root cause or how to fix the teetering three-legged stool problem (see earlier blogs).

However, at the last minute, with my bags already packed (mostly, at least), they canceled my appointment and moved it to the end of the month. While this means that I will have to wait yet another month before possibly catching a glimpse of what can be done to straighten me out, it also comes at a time when I actually needed to stay behind in order to take care of a variety of issues that cropped up here. I was going to be absolutely unable to take care of those issues because missing the appointment at the research hospital was not an option.

I think it is also giving my poor parents a little bit of a break. My sister was involved in a car accident, and she is going to have to undergo a long time of physical therapy to ensure that the damage to her neck does not lead to permanent nerve damage. For many of you this is now old news, for those of you that didn't know this, I'm sorry it seems so cavalierly put. I assure you it's not, it has been something at the forefront of all of our minds. However, my parents were wondering how they were going to manage the church, the school, the school for the deaf, a daughter in rehabilitation, and a son in the hospital - with the two medical issues being about 3 hours apart from each other.

Needless to say, my parents were already under a lot of strain, and this will give them an opportunity to handle one of these issues at a time. It was unexpected, but at the same time, just what we actually needed.

From my first blog ever, about a year ago, until today...you, my friends, have been told of some of these happenings in my life - and yet, it continues to amaze me how things happen as they should (at least in 20-20 hindsight, that is. ;-)  ).

This week has been filled with a variety of other random events.

-I have managed to put to peace a long and unduly sad chapter in my life. It is interesting how such small things as a few simple words can make a big difference.

-I have regained a bit more mobility in the hand that underwent surgery, enabling me to type longer. Hopefully this will help more as the dissertation really gets underway. :-)

-I got to listen to an amazing speaker who came to inspire the undergraduates, but left me grateful as well. Many......ALL...of the points I usually try to make in class to the younglings were in his presentation. In him, I got the chance to see the possibilities of a life spent teaching and pursuing those very principles. I am grateful for the opportunity to have met this man, and encouraged by the positive impact that this focus CAN have. In a way, I feel it is a potential foreshadowing of what "could" be. Even if I never live long enough to see it, at least I know the path is not a desolate or worse...wrong...one.

-I have kicked more younglings out of the proverbial nest that teaching grants us, and hope to see them fly.

-I was able to begin the process of clarification and hopefully growth with a long time friend and sometime roommate.

-I have been able to share how much I was impacted by the friendship and love of a single wonderful person, though it's been more than a year since we've been face-to-face. A different me emerged from that friendship, and it's always wonderful to remember such exquisite though sadly rare joys in life.

-I have been able to share some of my life's story with a peer, to encourage this person in their own budding teaching, and seen success come of this.

-I have been able to remind those I care about of how much I love them, and look forward to as many chances as I can, but am grateful for any I've gotten.

-I have been able to share some of my old writing with my parents, to whom I am continually grateful.

-I was given another chance to share my thoughts with you, my friends. God bless you all...thank you for helping make me...ME.