The death of Johnny

A dichotomous existence, a hypocrite's lie.

A double entente to every step forth.

Youth filled with illusion always masking the dark.

Live by the Book and die from deception.

Openly closed, too inquisitive in private.

 

Wide-eyed with apparent wonder,

Privately relishing forbidden knowledge.

How far back did this juxtaposition go?

Always so, or with some finite beginning?

Odd that the answer remains so elusive.

 

Always the selfish, self-serving approach.

Never a moment's remorse truly felt.

A new life path taken, new people approached.

A new brotherhood, new lease on his soul.

What would Johnny make of the new?

 

In the refreshing new environ he grew.

Considered alternatives to a lifetime of habits.

Improved upon the good, diminished the bad.

Work, achievement, leadership, faith

Loyalty, brotherhood, all manhood refined.

 

In this new bliss, hubris emerged.

Selfishness transformed, hiding , cloaked.

Desiring to experience things thought undeserved,

Sought out experiences, indulgences, love.

Found what he wanted, a fool's bargain was made.

 

Promised what he did not know,

Offered what was not his to give.

Sought what was not his to keep.

Enjoyed what was not his to have.

Mourned what was never his at all.

 

In selfish pettiness, lashed out at the Potter.

Gave in to the anger, hurt, and revenge.

Found solace in work, indulgences, and misdeeds.

Desired and obtained control,

Discovered knowledge that has a Janus face.

 

Throughout this rebellion, work flourished and grew;

A seed being planted, importance yet unknown.

Health in a crisis, a free fall almost.

Blind and foolish continued, resisting remorse.

Lucrative life, engrossing life's work.

 

Yet no work, money, or indulgence can fill

A void created by a dearth of true purpose.

Johnny resisted this encroaching knowledge.

Pushed back did the Potter, unrelenting and steady.

The Potter finally destroying the malformed vessel.

 

Healthy life a distant memory.

Hope for a future a fading idealism.

Plans for tomorrow on permanent hiatus.

Work split into the fulfilling and intolerable.

A breaking point finally reached.

 

Johnny finally realized what had to be done

He could not continue on the failing path.

He could not invest in a failing life.

He must choose whether to live this life.

Or give in to the Potter's unrelenting wheel.

 

A difficult decision, and yet inevitable.

Johnny knew he must die.

Tentatively set forth on this task most grim.

Not even knowing fully how to begin,

Not knowing where it would end.

 

 

Slowly but surely, a past life dismantled.

Attitudes shifted, priorities reoriented.

As health further dwindled, a soul rekindled.

The date is unknown, but the act is certain.

Finally the day arrived - the day Johnny died.

 

Yet from the cinders of all that was once

Began to emerge a new life's direction.

Within a life devoid of the promise of health,

The new man was born in fits and starts,

Emerging slowly from the miasma of old.

 

In the vacuum of certainty,

New affirmations discovered.

In the absence of prior largesses,

New passions emerged.

A new person, a new man, the Potter's next try.

 

Already the new man has experienced more:

More love, joy, peace, and satisfaction

Than his predecessor ever could know.

The new man discovered true agape love,

A possibility the old had barely grasped.

 

 

The new work, refreshing and satisfying,

Providing an avenue for previous wiles;

Allowing the positive to grow from old habits.

Planting the seeds of thought

Spreading the hope that stems from clarity.

 

Though it took the death of Johnny,

In health made a Shrodinger's cat of the new man's life,

The Potter's decisions, though painful and troubling,

clearly seen throughout gossamer threads of causality.

The Potter begins on a new vessel.

 

No promise of perfection, longevity, or success,

Always the potential for the wheel's cycle again,

Yet found thankful for the Potter's steady hand.

Dear Potter, the new man does wonder

Will the new vessel work any better than the last?

 

All this new joy and all this new wonder,

Did come at a price, steep yet estimable…

Though the new man may balk at paying it anew;

He knows he would again, should the Potter thus call,

Just like the day Johnny died.