My Father

Any chapter on my parents that truly encompassed the whole of what they have meant to me and my life development would be too long to actually put into writing. I'll have to hit some highlights, and maybe revisit in another chapter if I miss something. Today, I write about my father. Later on I'll write about my mother.

Let me start off by saying that if I work my whole life and get to be HALF the man my father is today, at this early point in his mature life, then I will be proud of my accomplishment and feel like I have surpassed all odds.

He did not start out perfectly, but then again no one does. What gives me so much hope and admiration is what he has done with his imperfection. From having an alcohol problem and being a typical Mexican Macho Male with a VERY quick temper, he has become one of the kindest, gentlest souls out there who has dedicated his life to pouring out his energy to help all those less fortunate in the financial, spiritual, and wisdom realms.

Throughout my life, I have always been 100% convinced that no matter what I did or attempted, that I would have a fan in my father as long as I told him I had given it my best effort. I could be the biggest failure at all I tried, but if he felt I had truly given it all I had, he'd be as proud of me as if I was the biggest success story on the planet. He also never condescended me, but rather treated me like a rational individual that could make intelligent decisions-and he did that from as early as I can remember. Example, I never, ever, ever had a curfew. His only demand was that I set the time when I would AGREE to be home, and then MAKE SURE I called AT LEAST 30-60 minutes ahead of time if for some reason that deadline was going to become unsuitable or unobtainable. He always told me that he wanted to make sure that I knew how to make decisions for MYSELF, and not because someone had TOLD me what I needed to do. How powerful and empowering this attitude was, I didn't figure out for a long, long time.

I am proud to call this man "father". I am proud when I see the lives he has touched. I am proud to drive out to the mountain villages with him and see him mingle and participate as with the HUMBLEST of the people there, and yet be essentially lifted to the point of greatest honor by the very attitudes and deference of those around him. I am proud when I see people seek his counsel and wisdom. I am proud when I hear him speak before large audiences and watch him draw them into his message and deliver the thought with an impact. I am proud to know that for a man who finished high school before he had to focus on being a father and a provider, he has managed to involve himself in bettering the lives of thousands over several different cultures and countries. 

From a quick temper, he has become a quiet and compassionate man. From an unteachable heart, he has become a humble learner. From an insecure young man, he has become a confident and wise teacher. Those around him are proud to know him, and those who know him are blessed by the experience.

His faith is evident. His life displays the truth he believes in. His wisdom is genuine and applicable. His compassion is forbearing and deep. He taught me the meaning of commitment. Of Honor. Of manhood. Of the appropriate love and respect for a wife. Of the importance of family. He has shown me how a man's man can still find it in his soul to have a heart and a space for love, commitment, and dedication, while remaining as strong as a real man needs to be. Disappointment in his eyes is still one of the most withering punishments I could ever face. 

When I compare myself to him, I am ashamed to claim the title of a man. I feel like a boy, a mere boy who has much to learn, and far to come. And yet, I am given hope that from the most imperfect beginnings, one can aspire to BE a man.

Nothing of what I am is possible without the example of being a true man I have in my loving and kind father. When he is proud of me, I have no greater shining moment of accomplishment.

My father. I love him, and I hope one day he may finally be justified in feeling like he has raised a MAN as well as he could have.

I sometimes fear fatherhood, because I will not ever be as good of an example for any child as my father has been for me. At the same time, I hope that my students will get a taste of what I have had in abundance my whole life, as I pour my heart and soul into working for THEM like my father worked for ME to learn and grow.